Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
