My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You may now shotgun with the bride
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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