When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
