this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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