if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
