Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
