i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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