party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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