you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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