we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
