I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
