Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
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Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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