I smell stomach acid.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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