this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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