Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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