I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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