i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
