Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
