Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
