There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just puked most of my soul out..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
