I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
