Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
