there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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