i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
