is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Enjoy the penises
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
