Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
