it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
