Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
