i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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