He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
