I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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