I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
