Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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