he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
