Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
