and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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