At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
