Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
