I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
