I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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