You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
