yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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