I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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