He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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