I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
