If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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