Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
