A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
