I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
FUCK WHALES
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
