Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just cropdusted the office
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
