he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
