my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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