So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
