Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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