I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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