i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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