At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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