My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
