so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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