he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
