there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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