I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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