So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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