Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
