WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
