"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
