i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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