Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
