I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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