did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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