seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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