you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
